


take the weight (of mine)

by thisissirius



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, Post-Eddie Begins, Post-Episode s03e15 Eddie Begins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23774245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: You should see thisThe message is from Hen. It’s just a pasted link and he frowns, doesn’t know what to expect. She’d left him at the hospital, a quick squeeze of his hand and a promise to give him a day to destress. Without context, he doesn’t know what to make of the message.or eddie finds out about buck's reaction to his burial and they come together.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 67
Kudos: 1027





	take the weight (of mine)

**Author's Note:**

> this episode was balm to my soul.

“Eddie?”

Eddie jerks up, wincing. His muscles ache. His chest aches. Everything aches and he just wants to get into his bed and sleep them away. Blinking, he frowns when he realizes they’re outside his apartment. “What?”

“Hey.” Buck. Buck’s sitting next to him in the truck. Buck’s truck. Eddie opens his mouth, closes it, and Buck smiles gently. He rests a hand on Eddie’s thigh and squeezes. Eddie can’t feel it; he’s wearing thick sweatpants that he doesn’t think are his. Buck brought them to the hospital, along with a huge sweater. Eddie’s not hypothermic anymore, but his mind doesn’t seem to have the memo because he still feels ridiculously cold. “Let’s get you in the house?”

“I’m fine,” Eddie says and frowns at the door. Why’s it so hard to get the damn thing open?

Buck comes around the truck so Eddie waits. It’s annoying, but he’s not above taking help if it’s offered. He doesn’t have to ask for it. “I started the coffee maker before I came to get you.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows. “You went to your apartment and my house?”

Eyes on Eddie’s shoulder instead of his face, Buck nods. He’s got a hand on Eddie’s elbow as he helps him down, a pink tinge to his cheeks. It’s startling and it prevents Eddie from shaking off Buck’s grip. He swallows, waits for Buck to shut the door to the truck and lock it, before walking down the path. 

“I had to get Chris from Abuela’s.”

Eddie almost stumbles. “Chris is in there?”

“Yeah,” Buck says slowly, and he’s still not looking Eddie in the eye. “I thought maybe you’d wanna see him? Abuela’s there too. Pepa’s coming to get her in about fifteen.”

Something in Eddie’s chest bursts. He sucks in a breath and Buck’s face shifts. 

“Hey, did I do something—”

“No,” Eddie says immediately. Swallowing down the burst of words that want to come out, he settles for smiling instead. “No, thanks, Buck.”

Buck frowns, but it clears quickly enough and he grins. “No problem.”

Eddie’s sure it is a problem, but not the kind of problem he wants to talk about. The two of them walk up the path towards the house. “I thought Carla was looking after him?”

“No,” Buck says gently. He’s being gentle with everything right now. Eddie’s too grateful to be pissed. “You know it’s Abuela’s night.”

Eddie’s forgotten. “Carla had him this morning though, right?”

“Yeah.” Buck grabs the keys from his jacket pocket and Eddie leans against the wall, closing his eyes. Exhaustion washes over him and he can probably sleep just fine outside if he tilts just so. Strong hands grab him, haul him up. “Easy.”

“M’tired.”

Buck huffs a laugh and helps Eddie over the threshold. Eddie sort of half-props himself up using the wall and Buck shuts the door. 

“Dad!” Christopher is hovering in the doorway and Eddie straightens, finds some hidden reserves he’s not sure he actually possesses, but he bends down to give Christopher a hug. “Are you okay?”

Eddie nods, breathing in a scent that’s all Christopher and he whimpers, tries not to tighten his hold too much. Chris allows it for a moment before pulling back, touching Eddie’s face. “I’m okay, _mijo_. Did you have fun with Abuelita?”

“Yes,” Chris says, dragging out the word. His eyes slide to Buck. “Bucky!”

“Hey,” Buck says, and Eddie can hear the grin in his voice. He straightens up, wincing at the muscle burn, and comes face to face with his abuela.

“ _Nieto_ ,” Abuelita says, sweeping in to wrap Eddie in her arms. All of the memories he’s been living through over the last couple of hours, he thinks about her the most; the way she was with him in Texas, how she was there when he went to LA. The fact that she believes in him, always trusts that he can do what needs to be done, and Eddie lets out a soft noise, allows the smells and sound of Abuela’s Spanish murmuring wash over him. 

“Buck,” Chris is saying, and Eddie pulls himself back into the moment. “Are you and Dad okay?”

“We are,” Buck says. Eddie pulls away from Abuelita to see Buck crouching in front of Chris, hands on his arms. “He’s just tired, so we’re gonna make sure he gets clean and goes to bed, aren’t we?”

Chris nods. “Yeah!”

“He is good to you,” Abuelita says, touching Eddie’s cheek. “Promise me you’re okay?”

“I am,” Eddie nods, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “I promise, Abuelita. I’m fine.”

Abuelita narrows her eyes. Eddie knows she doesn’t completely believe him, but she looks over his shoulder to where Buck and Chris are still talking. “Perhaps you will be.”

Eddie doesn’t know what that means, but his abuela moves past him. 

“Nieto?” 

Eddie opens his mouth to reply, but Abuelita pulls Buck into a hug. Eddie can see the surprise on Buck’s face, the tentative way he holds her, and Eddie almost can’t breathe. It’s no secret that his abuela loves Buck; she’s always inviting him to Sunday dinner, though Buck never wants to intrude enough to take her up on it. Pepa’s the same; she’s always asking after Buck, telling Eddie about the times Chris talks about Buck. 

“I saw you.” Buck’s eyes widen and Eddie frowns. He doesn’t know what that’s about. “You take care of this, you hear me?”

Abuelita’s hand is pressing to Buck’s chest and Buck nods with a soft smile. Eddie hates that he doesn’t know what they’re talking about, but another wave of exhaustion rushes over him. He sits on the edge of the couch, head in his hands, and smiles when the cushions next to him dip. It’s Chris, that much he knows for sure, and feels Chris lean against his arm. 

“Hey, buddy,” he manages to get out, shifting so that he can wrap an arm around Chris. 

“Love you, Dad,” Chris says easily.

Eddie’s throat feels thick with emotion. He kisses the top of Christopher’s head, closes his eyes. He knows how close he came to not making it home. His St. Christopher’s medal is pressed against his chest, makes him feel like he’s got Chris with him everywhere he goes, and he breathes out slowly. “I love you too, Chris. So much.”

The front door closes and Eddie meets Buck’s eyes as he comes back into the room. There’s a weight to Buck that’s not been there in a long time, and Eddie knows it’s because of him. He wishes he could take it away, but he doesn’t have the energy for it. He’s barely got the energy to stay upright on the couch. 

Buck leans against the wall, arms folded and a soft smile on his face. Eddie answers it with one of his own. “Are you both ready for bed?”

It’s a wonder, Eddie thinks, because Chris doesn’t argue. He’s more perceptive than people give him credit for, than even Eddie does sometimes. He leans in for another hug that Eddie’s only too willing to give. He kisses the top of Chris’ head. “Want me to tuck you in?”

“You can say goodnight when you get up,” Chris decides. “Bucky’s got me.”

Eddie watches the two of them leave. He breathes out shakily, dropping his head against the back of the couch. Parts of him still feel tight, constrained, and he stares up at the ceiling. It reminds him that he’s home, he’s dry, he’s got Buck and Christopher close. His phone vibrates against his stomach. He digs it out of the huge pocket on the front of the sweater. 

_You should see this_.

The message is from Hen. It’s just a pasted link and he frowns, doesn’t know what to expect. She’d left him at the hospital, a quick squeeze of his hand and a promise to give him a day to destress. Everyone had, and without context, he doesn’t know what to make of the message. 

The link goes to a news site and Eddie’s eyebrow raises. It’s the news station he remembers from the scene, with Hayden, and his breath catches in his throat, almost certain he doesn’t wanna see what comes next. 

There’s a reporter standing against the backdrop of trucks and the tilted crane. “If you’re just tuning back in, the young boy has been rescued. He’s safe and sound at a nearby hospital.” The camera pans to show Hayden and his mother in the ambulance. Eddie’s heart sings with the knowledge that he’s helped, that he managed to do it. “Unfortunately,” the reporter continues, and she pans to where the digger’s collapsed, sparks still evident. “The digger has just collapsed, trapping a firefighter in the hole.”

The scene tilts, the camera shot is jumpy but Eddie knows what he’s seeing; Buck screaming Eddie’s name, hands digging, sliding in the mud. He looks _devastated_ and Eddie’s heart pounds, his chest aching with emotion. Bobby’s there in an instant, dragging Buck away. The camera swings with them, taking in the rest of the scene, but Eddie can’t scrub the image, can’t force himself to look away. He replays the clip, brushes a thumb over Buck’s face. 

There’s no mistaking that reaction, no use pretending it’s not what it is. 

“Eddie?”

Eddie jumps, phone dropping to his lap and he looks up. “Hey.”

Buck stares at him. “Okay?”

“No,” Eddie says immediately. “I need—”

“Anything.” Buck comes closer, sits on the edge of the coffee table. Eddie can’t find words that say everything he needs to. 

Picking his phone back up, Eddie replays the video for the third time. “This.”

Buck watches. He looks confused, then embarrassed, then looks away completely. He’s staring into the kitchen but he’s not seeing anything. At least, nothing in the house. Eddie touches his face, brings his head back around. 

“I’m sorry,” Buck says, his voice hitching. “I tried, I—”

“I’m not mad.” Eddie tugs on Buck’s shoulder, brings him in to touch their foreheads together. “Buck, I’m not mad.”

Buck breathes out slowly, shakily, and Eddie slides a hand up the back of his head, holds him in place. A moment paces, two, then several. Eddie’s body is starting to protest again, but he ignores it. He’ll sleep when he sleeps. Right now, he needs to be touching Buck, holding him. Reminding himself that they’re both here, that he’s here. 

“I was scared,” Eddie admits. It wrenches out of him, spills between them and he closes his eyes. Buck’s fingers scratch at his scalp, resting against the back of his neck. “I thought—I called on the radio. I was desperate for someone to hear, I tried to tell you I was alive.”

Buck swallows. Eddie watches the bob of his throat, the way Buck’s mouth thins, curves downward. “I couldn’t give up. I knew, I knew you were down there and I didn’t want you to be scared.”

“Christopher brought me home.” Eddie pulls back, thumb brushing Buck’s cheek. He smooths away a tear, then another. “You brought me home. Don’t cry, _mi corazón_.”

“I know what that means.”

Eddie laughs, because he's not afraid for Buck to know, that Buck's always held Eddie's heart in his hands. (Whether it be Chris, Eddie, or Eddie's heart itself). He pulls Buck forward, onto the couch with him and Buck settles against him, staring down at Eddie’s phone. He’s got that little furrow in his brow, the one that means he’s thinking about something, and Eddie waits him out. 

“Things between us have been — they’re good, Eddie, and I’ve never thought about the way things could change. Until you were under all that mud and I thought everyone — they were acting like you were dead, that we couldn’t get to you and I,” Buck cut himself off, taking a deep breath. 

Cupping the back of his neck, Eddie rubs his thumb up the column of his neck. “Breathe, Buck. Slow.”

“I should be helping you,” Buck laughs around a sob, forehead against Eddie’s neck, and Eddie turns to kiss the top of Buck’s head again. He wants to get used to it, wants to get used to Buck, here, in his arms. It doesn’t occur to him to panic, but he wonders if maybe that’s where Buck is. 

“I’m here, Buck. See me.”

Buck blinks, raises his head. “I see you.”

“Do you?” Eddie shifts a little, grunting as his body protests, but he takes Buck’s face in his hands. “I’m here. I’ve been here, and I’ll always be here.”

“Can’t promise that.” Buck bites at his bottom lip, leans in to kiss the corner of Eddie’s mouth. Eddie wonders if there’s supposed to be some big moment, some feeling that overwhelms him, but he just feels _good_. “But I believe you.”

It doesn’t make sense; Eddie doesn’t care.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Buck says gently, brushing a hand through Eddie’s hair. Now that Buck’s talking about it, Eddie feels dirty, wants to scrub the emotions and worries of the day away. 

“Help me?” 

Buck doesn’t hesitate. He pushes himself to his feet, holds a hand out for Eddie. Eddie takes it, tangles their fingers together and tugs Buck in. Buck curls around him and lets Eddie have a moment. They’re together in this, in everything, Eddie thinks. His memories of his past with Shannon, the conflict with his parents, his Silver Star; it all falls away and ends with this. Buck, Chris, him. A unit, something he can trust in, believe in. 

“I love you,” Eddie whispers, and it feels like a promise. 

“I love you too,” Buck tells him, strong and unyielding, and it feels like coming home. 

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, i am LIVING for eddie right now


End file.
